I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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