Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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