She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
