sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
false alarm, still single
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