then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
