I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
