in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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