Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
