i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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