I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
