You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
