I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
