Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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