if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
