my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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