She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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