You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
