so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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