May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
