what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
