My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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