Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
