I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
