its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
