Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
