im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
