I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
