4 words: hood of his car
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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