im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
