so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
