that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
