Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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