my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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