I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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