Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm jealous of your bromance
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
