I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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