You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
are you so shy because you have an std?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
