Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
