Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize