Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
