I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
