Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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