then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
