3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
