I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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