Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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