he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
