Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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