just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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