Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
