New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
