My nipple is on Facebook.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
