Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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