i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
