I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
