Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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