we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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