Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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