I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When did angry sex become our thing?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
