Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
