Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
