She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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