Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
