I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
