The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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