Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
