btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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