Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How does one acquire holy water?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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