It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
