What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
