So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He did a backflip because drugs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
