Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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