dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
