fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
