stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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