I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
