i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
