All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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